MyInwardJourney

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February 26, 2004 11:13 PM

[Still.Waiting]

I'm pathetic.

I've actually been moping around all day today - maybe not consciously, but certainly in my general demeanor. I try not to think about things, but every time the phone rings my mind immediately shifts into the "maybe that's him" mode. It will be nice to be at home tomorrow (Friday) and not have the phone ringing off the hook like it has been lately at the church. My wife is so good - she fixed me some coffee, gave me the last brownie & told me she doesn't really care where we live - just that she's with me. She also told me that she sees where our eldest son (6 years now) gets his impatience. Point noted.

I'm extremely busy & stressed at this point. Not all of it has to do with the waiting and wondering about job possibilities. I do some freelance writing on the side and I have a looming assignment coming due in a couple of weeks that I have barely started doing prep work on. I told the guys in my small group on Wednesday night that I felt like I was in high school again - dreading the big paper that's due that you haven't even got started on. They didn't seem as concerned as I was (doesn't seem that high school guys are too concerned about much). Anyway, I spent an evening earlier in the week starting to research. Got my thoughts focused, which will help as I get into actually writing. Planning on hitting the coffee house in the morning for a few hours and pounding out the beginnings.

My other 'side job' (self-imposed) is in starting up a web design business. Actually, I've been doing it for about 7 years now on the side of every job I have had in that time period. Done many sites, just never got too organized in the 'business' side of it. Actually helping some friends' churches/youth ministries get set-up with a Movable Type-driven site that I will maintain & they will update the content on. It will provide a (very) little extra income at this point, but will help me build up my portofolio a little more & give me some good case studies/quotes to use on my site. Phase 2 will be learning some programming in order to develop an online CMS geared at smaller churches/youth ministries/spiritual formation groups.

Anyway, just got done working on some stuff for the past few hours and made some considerable headway. Hopefully after several cups of coffee in the morning & some ideas down on paper I'll feel a little better. If I don't get a phone call tomorrow, though, I'm not sure what to think. Probably shouldn't read too much into it if it does happen this way, but the owner of the business I interviewed with told me he'd get back to me this week.

When will I learn to trust in God? I'm usually pretty good about giving it up, but for some reason I'm struggling with this one. God, grant me grace and help me to "pour out {my} heart like water before the face of the Lord." (La 2:19)

Posted by Kristo on February 26, 2004 at 11:13 PM | Permalink